Sins We Breathe
by beezyland
Summary: Austin Tucker is less torn than cursed. They're both so beautiful and so broken. He'll never leave one, but never stop wanting the other. AU; Future Lauren/Austin/Kaylie; Instances of Nickelly, Payson/Sasha


Disclaimer: Don't own, which is good since I have a compulsion to break everything I touch.

Warning: Sex, booze, infidelity, swear words, little children, eating disorders, death and all that fun stuff.

* * *

><p><strong>-BB-<strong>

**Sins We Breathe**

These days, the most content he gets is when he's in bed with this amazing chick. She's only wearing his jacket because she says she likes the feeling of cold leather against her bare skin. A thin sheet covers him and he's wearing even less than her beneath it. Austin reaches out and brushes the tips of his fingers lightly through her messy, teased out blonde hair.

Her make up had been perfect the night before, when they met in the dark, but now it's smeared and smudged all around her eyes. Austin doesn't care. He doesn't expect perfection. He doesn't want it, least of all from her. To him, she's fucking gorgeous.

When she leans across him reaching for the cigarette carton on the bedside table, her body brushes his and he knows it's on purpose. A smile lights his face and it only makes him smile even wider when he sees she's smiling just as big. Twirling the thin, perfect death sentence between her fingers, she holds it out to him and Austin takes it between his lips. She strikes a thumb against wheel of his Zippo lighter and lights it for him.

As Austin takes a long drag, the blonde sinks down beside him and rests her head on his thigh and her eyes never leave his. Once he exhales a stream of smoke, Austin takes the cigarette and brings it to her perfect, faded red lips. They share it.

Sometimes they talk, but there are moments like this where words aren't necessary. Words won't get them anywhere because neither of them is disillusioned about what's going on here. He has a girl at home, one he's supposedly committed to and cohabitating with. She's fucking married for Christ's sake. Married to a douche, but that isn't the point. That's all just in the details. They both know that this thing they're doing has nowhere to go.

But it doesn't stop. It's just sex and cigarettes and quiet words, but only sometimes.

And they're both content.

…

Who knew that Carter Anderson would become one of the richest men in Colorado? Once he got over the fact that he didn't have what it takes to make it to the Olympics, Carter took over his family's dairy and cattle business. He partnered with some company that increased the farms' profit by lowering operation cost and increased yield. They became one of the biggest suppliers in the state. He also opened a string of critically acclaimed upscale steakhouses.

Lauren married him. They were screwing around before he became a multi-millionaire, but when they decided to marry, he made her sign the prenup anyways. Lauren didn't think too much of it since she came from a family of money herself. She didn't take into consideration that maybe Steve would cut her off one day and leave her dependant on Carter Anderson; stuck in a marriage that's barely even that.

"Late night?"

Shit. Usually she's so good at sneaking in unnoticed. At least, in her own head, she is.

"Hey, babe, what are you still doing up?" Lauren asks sweetly. The better question would be to ask what he's even doing here. Normally he's out of town, doing God knows what. "Yeah, I was in Boulder. Pay needed me. You know what Sasha being away does to her." Lauren lies flawlessly. When she was younger, stupider, she did it with pride that she could think on her feet and it came off as empty enthusiasm. Now she does it with ice. "I texted you."

"I got it."

But he never responded. He never does.

"Payson and Sasha?" Carter makes this horrible sound of disgust. "I still can't believe they went public with that. Not that Sasha's rep was squeaky clean, but being blacklisted for a scandal that apparently never happened between them two now, years later, they came out, saying they're in love? Weird and creepy."

Beautiful and romantic would be Lauren's word choice. Chasing gazes across the gym, the denial and the restraint that stretched throughout Payson's late teens. It all read like a spectacular, Victorian romance novel to Lauren. It's all so much better than being a trophy wife to a rich jackass because she didn't know what else to do with her life.

"Pour me a drink would you?" Carter says, more of an order than a request.

Lauren gets to her feet and goes to the bar. "Sure, baby, just how you like it."

As ready as she is to break something and scream till her lungs collapse, Lauren knows that this is the life she chose and so she's stuck with it. This cold, hollow penthouse, the unlimited credit cards, the secretly hating her husband, but hanging on his arm and smiling for the rest of the world. Lauren may hate it, but she chose it and so she owns it.

…

It took Austin and Kaylie a long ass time to get to where they are. They live together in a little two-bedroom apartment in Denver, just across a nice little park from where Nicky and Kelly live and within walking distance of Austin's place of work. They're cohabitating and he stalled and hesitated for years before he finally agreed to get a place with her. It's a mix of her things and his, but most of his remain hidden away in the dark corner of the hall closet.

Austin unlocks the front door and walks in to find Kaylie at the little kitchen table, dressed for work. She's the editor for one of the biggest fashion magazines in the country. At first Austin was iffy about her working there, in an environment that basically breeds shitty body image and feeds it to the country, but Kaylie argues that that is precisely why she works there, an attempt to bring about change.

"Good morning," Kaylie greets him. "Late night?"

"Yep. Overcharging drunks for watered down liquor. No rest for the wicked," Austin says. He walks over and gently tilts Kaylie's chin up towards him and kisses her.

She sharply pulls away and it sends panic through him. "Have you been smoking?" she asks.

Phew. Relief floods in.

"No."

_Lie_.

Kaylie nods, doesn't quite believe him, but won't say anything either.

"Anyways, I'm going home for the weekend to see my dad," Kaylie says. Alex has been on life support for a long time now, comatose, but the family isn't willing to pull the plug with Kaylie's older brother, Leo, out of the country, in the arctic, doing graduate work, unreachable and doesn't even know about the baseball accident. Kaylie goes to visit him almost every weekend and Austin thinks it's the most depressing shit ever. "I thought that maybe you'd want to come?"

"Gee, I don't know, Kay," he says. "But we'll see."

"Okay. I have an early meeting," Kaylie says. She stands from her seat and grabs her purse.

"You sure you don't wanna have breakfast before you go?"

"No, thanks. I already ate."

Something about the way her voice jumps in her throat makes him suspicious. Lie? Austin inwardly scowls for even thinking that. It would mean they lie to each other just to get through conversations and he doesn't want to think that's true. Kaylie kisses his cheek before she's out the door and he's alone. Austin hates the way things are between them, but he could never hate her or being with her. They're fucking living together. There's no going back now.

…

To Lauren, it seems right that Austin owns a fucking bar in fucking Denver and fucking loves it. For all intensive purposes, the little hole-in-the-wall is his child. It suits him and his overgrown frat boy personality. Lauren loves that he loves it.

He's told her a couple times that Kaylie hates the bar and Austin's love for it. She hates how she works all day while Austin sleeps and plays video games, generally fucking around and by the time Kaylie gets home, they maybe have a quick dinner before Austin has to open the bar for the night. Kaylie hates sleeping alone and Austin hates that she hates it, but he loves spending his nights with assholes and booze. Most of all, he loves that they're strangers and they have fun moments, but then disappear without guilt and more pour in though the door.

Sometimes Lauren gets all dolled up and comes in to sit at the corner of the bar when she's bored and Carter's out of town and she feels like making herself pretty for someone who'll appreciate it. She spends the night throwing him looks and playing with her hair and flirting with the guys who buy her drinks. Lauren knows Austin's the jealous type and she loves that about him. Jealousy is just the deepest, most intense way of showing someone you care.

The numbers in the bar start to dwindle and Austin wastes no time and announces last call on the dot. Lauren goes to buy a pack of Marlboros from the liquor store a block down and by the time she makes her way back to the bar, Austin's sent home his bartenders for the night and it's just him and her. Lauren is temptation in a slinky red dress and stiletto heels and she owns it. She knows she's winning tonight.

"Seems I missed last call," she says in her low, smoky voice.

"As the owner of the joint, I might make an exception. What'll it be?"

She tilts her head to the side, tossing her platinum locks about. "Sex on the beach."

Austin clicks his tongue. "Don't know about a beach, but I could probably do a bar."

Lauren leans across the counter and knowingly gives him a clear view of her awesome cleavage—a practiced Lauren Tanner move and a bit of a cliché, she knows; however, that isn't where his eyes are. His eyes are on hers. She carefully tucks the cigarette behind his ear (for later) and Austin kisses her before she can even think to ask him how's Kaylie.

She wonders about Kaylie sometimes or, well, all the time, but a part of her is glad he kisses her to shut her up. His tongue in her mouth and his fingers dragging down the zipper of her dress, that never hurts. Recognizing the distance between Kaylie and her always does.

…

"What doing Unc Aus? What doing?"

"Watching you make a little monster mess, Monster Parker-nator," Austin replies. The little two-year-old sitting across from Austin tilts his head to one side and scrunches his entire face to show his confusion. That is clearly a Russo trait. The toddler has red stained lips, holding an ice pop that's dripped all down his fingers. "Messy boy. Someone's gonna be in trouble."

"No! Not!" the child shouts back. The denial, the strong will, the high-pitch voice, he gets all that from his mother.

Austin laughs. He loves kids…especially when you can get them high on sugar and give them back to their parents after.

"Jesus, Austin, I ask you to watch him for five seconds while I answer the phone. Kelly is going to throw a fit when she sees him." Nicky Russo steps up and sweeps the little boy off the floor and into his arms. He takes away the ice pop and holds it out to Austin, who takes it and finishes the rest in one gulp.

Nicky continues to be relevant in the gymnastics world, owner of the new and improved Denver Elite, running it alongside that old-timer, Marty Walsh, and partnered with the Kelly Parker owned and operated KPE, representing all their elite gymnasts and handling and manipulating their publicity and expenditures. Denver Elite is a well-oiled ass kicking winner-producing machine and here's their fearless leader…with a baby bag over his shoulder, pulling out disinfecting wipes, trying to make his kid's fingers less red.

Austin groans. "Nicky, you are so domesticated."

"It's called growing up. You should try it," Nicky says. He carefully sits down on the mat where Austin's sprawled out and sets his son down in his lap. Parker Martin Russo, pale and smart like his daddy, with almond shaped eyes and demanding as fuck like his mom. Austin turns onto his side and smiles, playfully tickling Parker's tummy, making him giggle even though it sounds more like a hiccup.

"You and Kelly are boring as fuck now, but you do make a beautiful kid," Austin admits.

"Watch the language," Nicky warns him. "And thanks." Parker pushes himself out of his dad's lap and starts galloping in circles around the two former gymnasts, making these high-pitch howling sounds. Austin grins. The kid is a freak. "Have you heard from Max lately?"

"Nah. How is he?"

"Him and the boyfriend are considering adoption."

Austin sits up like when people suddenly wake from nightmares in movies. "No kidding?"

Nicky shakes his head and leans back on his palms. "What about you and Kaylie? Have you two even talked about kids?"

Austin scoffs, a little defensive. He considers telling Nicky about his suspicions that maybe Kaylie is in the business of making substitutions for food again. Except, now, all these years later, it's work instead of exercise. Fuck, for all he knows, it's both.

"You and Kelly didn't exactly talk about Oops Baby beforehand. Hence, the nickname_ Oops Baby_, and I also doubt you guys have talked about, oh, I dunno, _marriage_."

Nicky laughs when he should be pissed. He really does suck at emotions. "I'm just sayin', Aus. You're good with Parker. I don't think you'd be _that _shitty of a dad."

"Language," Austin barks with a playful smirk. Nicky shakes his head and smiles as the two fall into a comfortable silence, both looking out as an aged Marty Walsh grabs Parker and hoists him up onto one of the practice trampolines. Starting the kid early. Not surprising at all.

The more Austin thinks about it, it'd be kinda cool to have Little Tuckers runnin' around, breaking shit and Parker looking out for them. But at this point in his life with how things are between Kaylie and him? He couldn't even begin to consider bringing a kid into this situation. Austin doesn't even want to be in it himself.

…

Lauren and Payson are friends. It's unexpected, but not at all at the same time.

They sort of bonded over their stupidity in their younger years and the irony of fighting over a boy who ended up choosing neither and being into guys instead. Now that they're all older, everything is cool with Max. He became a big-time mixed media artist living in New York City. He had a show in Denver once, exploring ambiguous sexuality and his personal journey. Lauren and Payson went to see it, had a few drinks, laughed about their teenage years and met Max's partner at the time.

They make it a point to eat together once every week or so. Unable to escape gymnastics, Payson runs the Rock, forever at Sasha Belov's side. With Nicky Russo and his elitists just a forty-minute drive away and proving to produce some Olympic contenders, Colorado gymnasts can _bring it_. Right now, Sasha's out of the country and has been for months. Payson tells her it's "just things" and "stuff" she can't talk about. Being Lauren, of course she presses and pries, but being Payson, she keeps her lips sealed.

"Did I tell you Kaylie called me?"

Lauren's eyes dart up from her salad. "Oh, she did? Wh—what for?"

Payson shrugs her shoulders. She wraps her fingers around a cup of tea. English Breakfast tea if Lauren knows her old friend at all. "Her and Kelly want to have lunch one of these days. Did you…did she…?"

"No." Lauren holds up her iPhone. "Cricket. Cricket."

Not that Lauren would know what to do or say if Kaylie actually called her. It's been years since they've spoken even if they are at the same place at the same time, socializing with the same people. Lauren doesn't mind that Kaylie cut her out of her life. It makes it easier for Lauren not to feel bad that she's fucking Kaylie's boyfriend.

Payson doesn't know about the affair (that word is so melodramatic, it's comical) and Lauren doesn't intend to tell her. She doesn't intend to tell anyone. By the way Payson's lip tense and her eyes don't move away from Lauren, the Olympic gold medalist can tell something's up with her former teammate.

"What happened between you and Kaylie, anyways?" Payson asks. "I know, with me and gymnastics, back then it was always like tunnel vision. All I remember is one minute you two were best friends like always and the next…"

"We just…drifted," Lauren says.

_I fell in love with her boyfriend._

"It just…happens sometimes," she continues.

_Once. Twice. Three times, it looks like. What a fucking merry-go-round from hell_.

Payson nods her head and takes another sip of her tea. Meanwhile, Lauren sees the screen of her phone light up with a new text from Austin. She tries not to be too obvious with her smile when it reads: _sex on the beach?_

Discretely, she texts back: _I'd rather the bar. Tonight. _

_I'll have your drink waiting._

…

When he sees Lauren that night, Austin already knows something's wrong. She doesn't sparkle in the same way she usually does when she walks in, looking all hot for him and just him. He wants to ask her what's wrong, but then he feels a pair of hands cover his eyes from behind. Austin spins around and finds Kaylie. Her hair is down and not in that high-ponytail she wears for work. No professional pencil skirts and blazers, but a pink dress.

"Surprise!" she shouts.

"Hey!" Austin shouts back, trying to be as enthusiastic as she sounds. He stands right in front of her, towering over her, hoping to block her view of Lauren down the bar. "What are you doing here, babe?"

"It's a Friday night. I thought I could use a little night out."

"AKA I am getting your girlfriend _drunk_," Kelly Parker announces, rounding her arm around Kaylie's neck and hanging on. She too has ditched the professional, work clothes, instead in a short, strapless black dress. Fuck no did Austin trust Kelly Parker in the beginning, but then Kelly and Kaylie became friends and Nicky started doin' her so, fuck, acceptance by association.

"Not that it takes much," Austin teases. "Where's Russo? Home with the kid?"

"No. We got his aunt to babysit for the night. Nick's parking the car," Kelly explains. "I run my own management company and, let's face it, I'm the one keeping DE afloat _and_ on top of all that I'm a badass mother. So if I have a night off I'm not holding back and neither is Cruz."

"And Nicky's job is to hold your purse all night?" Kaylie asks teasingly. Austin smiles, seeing her like this with her friend, just two girls lookin' hot with their dresses and carefree smiles. If only she was like that when they're alone.

"Basically." The former gymnasts share a laugh. "And designated driver. He'll probably silently bitch the entire time we're here, but I'll make it worth it for him when we get home tonight."

Austin winces. "Yikes. Sloppy sense of obligation sex. That just screams _love_."

"And that's all the detail I need, thank you very much," Kaylie interrupts. Austin smirks and shakes his head. Like those girls don't trade sex stories when they have their little "girls nights in" over wine and rom-coms.

"Bartender, shots!" Kelly demands. She slams her palm down on the counter. Nicky's really got his work cut out with this one. Austin rounds the side of the bar, lines up shot glasses and pours for them. He tries to play cool as he glances down the bar and over at Lauren. She meets his eyes, but only briefly over the shoulder of some guy who's buying her a drink.

"Don't worry," Kaylie tells him. "I know you're working and I'll stay out of your way."

Austin smiles, leaning towards her with his elbows on the table. "One rule: my girlfriend doesn't dance on the bar. Out of the question. I'm not having any of that."

"I'll try my best, but no promises," Kaylie jokes. She leans up even further and kisses him. He smiles with his mouth against hers and ignores the Kelly Parker commentary.

That turns out to be one of the most stressful nights _ever_. He exclusively spends his time with his girlfriend and their friends, laughing about old times when they all used to hate each other. And it's fun and nice, very _Breakfast Club: the Sequel_ or a modern _St. Elmo's Fire_—two of Lauren's favorite movies, he realizes, but only after he thinks it. That 80s shit is like crack to the girl. Every time he glances over at Lauren, she's talking to a new guy. Austin just stays with his friends, keeping them distracted, because he knows if Kaylie or Kelly notice that Lauren Tanner is there shit'll turn into _Mean Girls_—one of Kaylie's favorite movies.

When Austin sees Lauren start to leave with this dude trailing behind her, grinning like a guy about to get laid, that shit makes him go berserk. With his phone out under the bar, Austin texts her: _Dont go home with him_.

When he looks over again, she's gone. His phone buzzes in his jeans maybe five minutes later. It says: _after she barfs her guts out n starts to cry, stroke her hair. She likes that. It helps her to know ur there._

And when Austin's sitting on the bathroom floor with Kaylie, he remembers that text and smiles a little because his girlfriend is kind of adorable with her nonsensical, drunk mutterings. She flushes the toilet after the second wave and her hair is partly up, but other parts have fallen to frame her face and she just looks miserable. Austin laughs and Kaylie pouts while narrowing her eyes at him.

"Don't laugh at me."

Austin laughs again. "Can't help it. Now I know why a glass of wine is your usual limit."

"Don't laugh." Kaylie lazily throws out her arm as if to hit him, but can't reach. "I feel crappy."

Austin settles for a smile and gently takes Kaylie, moving her to sit back against him. She rests her head on his chest and Austin leans back against the side of the bathtub. He does as Lauren says, bringing his fingers through her dark hair, over and over.

"I love you, you know," Kaylie murmurs. "I know I don't tell you enough so just so you know, I love you, Austin Tucker, and I wanna marry you one day and have like a fairytale wedding and have lots and lots of babies. I love you so much…"

Austin feels the pressure to say it back, to promise her that they'll have all that someday and they'll be happy. But he doesn't. He can't. Luckily, Kaylie drifts off and she probably won't remember any of this in the morning anyways. Still, the unsung feelings follow him even as he scoops Kaylie into his arms and carries her to their bed.

The next day, other than taking care of a hungover Kaylie, Austin texts Nicky, playing _Who's Girlfriend Got More Wasted Last Night_ and then the follow-up game, _Who's Girlfriend is a Bigger Bitch the Morning After_. (Kaylie wins the former and Kelly hands down takes the latter).The guys try to think of how to break the tie and Austin finds it all so amusing. At least, it's more fun than obsessing over the fact that him and Lauren aren't texting at all.

…

It's fucked up that she couldn't fuck him. Lauren wanted to. She wanted to fuck the random in the bar that was hot and had a nice smile and a tight ass. After all, this is what she does. She cheats on her husband who doesn't give a fuck. But when the guy tried to kiss her outside the bar, Lauren couldn't. _She couldn't do that to Austin_. That's the most fuck up part about it.

To distract herself, other than killing a pack a day, Lauren switches her focus over to Sasha and Payson. When Sasha finally comes home to Boulder, Payson wants a nice, quiet casual evening, but Lauren somehow convinces her that it's a better idea to throw a party and let her plan it. Lauren can be organized and precise and get shit done. It doesn't surprise anyone when the party turns out extravagant, elegant (and all on Carter's tab).

A lot of people don't get Sasha and Payson together. It took the Keelers a while to adjust and the Keelers are some of the most open-minded people Lauren has ever met. But they accepted it because anyone with eyes can see how they just fit so nicely together and compliment each other. It's the type of love Lauren spent her whole adolescent and young adult life relentlessly hunting for. It's the type of love she gave up on. She doesn't even think she's capable of even attempting to find it anymore.

"How much longer until we can leave?" Carter hisses in her ear. He touches the small of her back and Lauren leans away.

"You can leave anytime you want. Make up an excuse. You're good at that," Lauren retorts. "But they're my friends and I'm staying."

"You sure about that?" Carter nods to the door, seeing Kaylie walk in with Austin. It's been weeks since that night in the bar. They haven't seen each other since. They do text, but never talk. When he suggests they meet up, she makes an excuse not to. She's good at that too.

They schmooze and mingle around the room, but Kaylie actively avoids running into Lauren and the blonde lets her. Lauren plays the good little wife, laughing at Carter's lame jokes and smiling as he brags about his success. After the third time hearing about Carter's gift from the mayor for his birthday, Lauren sneaks away from the party, needing a smoke and bad.

"Hey."

Standing on the side of the house, Lauren lights a cigarette. The only way Austin could of found her is if he was looking for her and something tells her he was.

"Hey yourself," she replies, slowly exhaling. Lauren doesn't pass him the cigarette though something in his expression says he was hoping she would. Lauren tells herself that if he asks, she'll say she fucked that random at the bar. She needs it to seem like she cares less than she does.

"I miss you," he whispers, like it's a secret, like it's sin. And it is.

"Do you?" she drawls.

Austin reaches out and draws a line down the back of her hand with the rough tip of his finger. Contemplating how fucking well he wears a suit, Lauren gives in, holds the cigarette out to him and Austin takes it, bringing it to his lips.

"She kinda really loves me," Austin confesses as he exhales, handing the leftovers to her.

Lauren snaps it away from him, almost greedily, and takes another slow, long hit. "I know." She taps the cigarette against the railing, letting bits of ash flicker off. "Carter. He doesn't."

_Love me_. She can't say it, but she trusts Austin knows it and he does.

Austin's bright blue eyes bore into her painted face. "He doesn't deserve you."

Honestly, Lauren doesn't know what she deserves. Austin is fucking _cheating_ on his girlfriend, Lauren's oldest friend, with her and she doesn't feel bad at all. Why? Because Kaylie and her aren't friends anymore? Because her sick and twisted insides somehow convinced her that she's in love with him? It's all such bullshit and she's wrapped up in all of it.

"Not like it matters," she adds.

"You don't have to be with him, you know."

But she does. Without Carter, financially speaking, she wouldn't have anything. Lauren may be dead inside, spending her day and nights in Carter's penthouse, but it's much better than her dead inside _and_ out in the real world, where she wouldn't survive a week.

"That's where you're wrong, Austin. You don't really have a choice when it comes to quicksand," Lauren replies. She grinds the cigarette bud against the railing and out of respect for Payson and Sasha, instead of tossing it carelessly outside their home; Lauren places it in the pocket of Austin's shirt, right over his heart, and gives it a pat.

She's ready to walk away when Austin grabs her and presses her back against the side of the house. She feels every amazing muscle in his body tight against hers and she can't stop the sound that rattles her throat. He doesn't attack her lips with his or senselessly grope her against her will. Austin just looks right into her eyes. He connects with her. He leans in halfway and waits for her to bridge her half.

Kaylie loves Austin, whatever that even means. And both Lauren and Austin know it. But that doesn't stop her from kissing him hard and unforgiving right outside the place where her husband and his girlfriend are. She lets her hands touch every part of him because, yeah, she fucking missed him too. He moves his hand up her thigh and between her legs and Lauren gasps against his mouth. Being with him cancels out all else. All guilt. All bullshit. There's only one thing she can think over and over in her head as he works her up.

_Don't say _I love you. _Don't say_ I love you. _Do not say_ I love you…

…

She feels thinner as he touches her. Kaylie. Maybe it's just his paranoia, how eating disorders have this fucking tight choker around his neck and yank at him when he least expects it. When Austin's in bed with his girlfriend, making love to her, she feels so tiny under him and he tries to focus on her smile or her lips or her eyes, not how he can feel her bones through her skin and it's beyond a turn-off, it freaks him the fuck out.

Austin hates cleaning the apartment. He doesn't like to poke around. There's this deep embedded fear that one day he'll come across a stash of molded food, that Kaylie will be back to her old habits. Old habits, they do die hard. Austin would know.

He likes to think this paranoia came to be around the time he lost his sister, Ava. Not to an ED. But to the depression that came with the anorexia and having to give up gymnastics, and lingered like a perpetual raincloud that escalated to a hurricane. One day she was fine, happy even. The next, he got a call from Kelly, saying they were supposed to meet up, but Ava never showed and wasn't answering her phone. Austin went to check on her. Blood everywhere, neat slits across her wrists and a peaceful expression on her cold face.

The one non-Tucker that took it the hardest was Kelly, Ava's confidant, her bestie. The girl went into self-destruct mode and thank God she had Nicky because otherwise, who knew what would've happened. Russo manned up, put up with Kelly's shit no matter how hard she deliberately tried to push him away. Now they're a family and they're happy. Older and put-together, Nicky will smile and toss their kid up in the air and Kelly warns him she'll kick his ass if he drops their son while Parker laughs and shouts, "Again, dad, again!"

And Austin owes Kaylie just as much as Kelly owes Nicky. Kaylie was there for him after losing Ava. She took care of him and put him back together. She was patient and gave him space when he needed, but wouldn't leave him alone when he needed someone, but couldn't see it. That has to be the definition of love. And if that's love then being _in love_ can't be so different either, right?

Kaylie fixed him and they started to live together and things were comfortable. Static. And he was okay with that until Lauren Tanner walked into his bar one night, mascara streams down her cheeks, broken and bitter, and demanding a vodka tonic. She pulled out a cigarette and asks him for a light. Austin swore them off when he promised Kaylie he'd be better, but he was intrigued and transfixed on her and it. That turned out to be the first one they ever shared.

Austin loves Kaylie, but she makes him anxious because he doesn't know if he could save her if she relapsed. He ran from helping Ava when she was going through treatment, he took a step back when Kaylie was in rehab, Ava died after she moved to Colorado to be closer to him. Eating disorders haunt him and he's doomed to love the girls who fall prey to them.

Then there's Lauren. When Austin's with Lauren, he's less anxious, on the verge of happy even. When he's with Lauren, he feels…he doesn't even know what, but he does.

…

"I don't get you."

Lauren looks up from this month's issue of Vogue and over at her husband, sitting in his expensive, leather recliner. He has a drink in hand, sitting back, shoes off after a long day. Lauren moves her eyes back down. "Whatever do you mean, sweetie?"

"Do you want Kaylie Cruz?"

Carter has his crude moments, but _that_.

"Um, what kind of question is that?" Lauren asks in return.

"No judgment. I actually think it'd be pretty hot." Carter laughs. He can be such a bastard. "It has to be one of those things where you can't admit to yourself that you want her so instead you have to have everything she has and everything she wants. Gymnastics. I recall you asked daddy for a silver convertible for your sweet sixteen after Kaylie got hers. Me. Austin Tucker."

Shit. He knows.

Lauren grits her teeth. "Carter, you're crazy."

He stands up out of his chair and sets down his glass, slowly walking over to her. "Try to be a little more careful, would you? Fuck whoever you want. I don't really care. Just make sure it stays out of the press. The last thing I need is bad publicity. Do not make a fool out of me, Lauren, or you'll be out on your ass with nothing and you're kidding yourself if you think he'd choose you over Kaylie Cruz."

He touches his arm and the contrast between his soft hands and harsh words make her ill. Carter tells her he's going to bed and he's catching a flight to Billings, Montana, in the morning. Luckily their penthouse has all those extra rooms. Lauren chooses the one farthest from the bedroom she shares with Carter and sleeps there for the night.

…

Austin gets a text from Lauren and all it says is _I need you_.

He doesn't think twice, tells his head bartender to cover for him and remember to lock up. Austin heads over to Lauren's, a penthouse on the top floor of a glass building. Her douche husband must be gone and must be extra douchey if she tells him to come over. It's risky, he knows, but she calls and he goes to her. A moth drawn to a cigarette flame.

"You okay?" he asks, bringing both hands to cup her face. "Did he do something?"

"No," she says, "but he knows." Lauren turns away and walks towards the glass window. "He's okay with it as long as his image remains spotless. What the hell am I doing? What kind of marriage is this? I don't want to stay with him, but I can't leave him."

Austin sees her purse on the end table and pulls out her carton of cigarettes. He never carries. She holds the cigarettes and he holds the lighter. Austin walks up behind her and wraps his arms around her, lighting one in front of her and letting her have first taste.

"I'm not supposed to smoke in here," she warns.

Austin brushes her blonde hair aside and kisses her neck. "I bet there's a lot you aren't supposed to do in here…"

Lauren leans back into him and he lets his mouth and hands skim across her soft skin. He ends up staying the night and she cooks him breakfast and brings it to bed the next morning. Austin jokes and asks her if it's safe to eat and Lauren boasts about her cooking skills, reminding him that she grew up with just her dad and so she did a lot of the cooking. They watch one of her favorite movies, the one with the geeky guy who pays the hot chick to pretend to date. And everything is so easy and great until he has to leave.

Before he goes, Lauren kisses him on the cheek and it's the first time she's ever done that. Usually, they fuck and smoke and repeat until one of them ups and leaves with a "text me." This time, she kisses his cheek and it feels like gratitude and it also feels like possibilities. Austin strokes his thumb down the column of her neck and smiles before he heads home.

When he gets back to his apartment late in the evening, Kaylie's already home and she isn't alone. Kelly is sitting on the couch, phone in hand, and little Parker is beside her with an iPad in his lap, arranging virtual blocks to spell out the name of the animal on screen. He gets _cat_ and _lion _within seconds like a fucking mini genius, but _monkey_ gives him a bit of trouble. Austin leans over the back of the couch and ruffles Parker's unruly dark hair.

"Hey, buddy," Austin says. "What's up?"

"I left the office early. We had lunch and came back here to hang out," Kaylie explains. She comes from the kitchen and goes over to Austin and he makes sure to kiss her cheek. He can still taste the nicotine on him. "I thought you'd be here when we got in. Where've you been all day?"

"Work," Austin answers. "The bar. We just got a new shipment in. Joey and I have been doing inventory all day, moving boxes and crates of liquor. I just came home for a quick shower before I head back there to open."

"You know you don't have to be there all the time, right?" Kelly says. "That's why you pay those people other than to get everyone drunk and charge them ridiculous prices."

Austin smirks. She's still bitter about the bill for their tab a couple weeks back.

"You know what they say, you want something done right, do it yourself," Austin says. "Now, if you ladies and the lil' gent' will excuse me, I'm gross and need a shower." He pauses a moment and then asks, "you want me to open a bottle of wine for you two and your girl talk?"

"No," Kaylie says quickly. "We aren't drinking tonight."

Austin goes into the bathroom and tugs off his t-shirt. Lauren did a fucking number on his back and left all these red lines all down his skin. Usually she's more careful about it, but she let her bruises show last night, metaphorical bruises inflicted by life and Carter. It makes Austin sick remembering how they used to be buddies. Then again, the guy in the suit with the short hair, he isn't FML prone, curly-haired Carter anymore. None of them are who they used to be.

He reaches for the faucet and twists it, but something in the trashcan distracts him. His heart speeds up and he nearly collapses.

It's a pregnancy test.

…

Austin is being weird the next time they meet up.

Lauren actually cooks him dinner. It isn't like she has a lot to do with her time, the bored, nicotine-obsessed housewife, cheating on her husband. Cliché. Cliché. Cliché. But it is kind of fun, going out to the grocery store and picking up the different ingredients. Carter is visiting his family in Boulder for the weekend. They aren't exactly fans of Lauren and she isn't exactly a fan of them anyways.

As excited she is for the night, Austin is distant, pushing food across his plate, not even eating. If it weren't totally inappropriate, she'd probably joke about him being anorexic.

"Something wrong?" she asks.

"Yeah, I've been meaning to talk to you." Austin pushes his plate aside and laces his fingers. She gets this sick feeling from the tone of his voice and pours herself more wine. "Lauren, we can't do this anymore."

She gulps and her entire body tenses. "This what?"

"This. What we're doing," Austin says. He sighs and sits back in his seat, slouching a little. He hates himself for everything, she can tell. She just can't understand why he's doing it. "It isn't fair to you and it isn't fair to Kaylie. I just…can't anymore. I'm done."

Lauren wants to brush it off and pretend her eyes don't water and her heart doesn't break at the idea of him leaving her for good. She wants to be angry and break dishes and call him a jackass and she does on the inside, but outwardly, she wears the mast and doesn't bat an eye. She brings the glass to her lips and takes a sip of wine.

"Alright."

His face drops and she feels her anger spike, heat up her blood. How dare he. He doesn't have a goddamn right to be sad. He's the one abandoning her like everyone else she's ever cared about in her life.

"Alright?" he asks. "That's your reaction? Alright?"

"How did you see me reacting?"

"I don't know. Something more than _alright_."

Lauren rolls her shoulders and takes another gulp. "How about this? _Get out_."

"I will, but I need you to get where I'm coming from…"

"Get where you're coming from? She doesn't make you happy and you're staying with her. I'm not happy with Carter and I'm still with him. We're both cowards." Lauren spells it out for him because sometimes that's just what Austin or people in general need and she isn't afraid to.

"No, there's a difference," Austin insists. She's already rolling her eyes at him and he's getting angry when he was the one who started this. "You're still with Carter because you're afraid. I'm with Kaylie because…because I think she's pregnant. I can't leave her. I'm doing the right thing."

She hates him so much for so much of that, but it's the _pregnant_ that really jolts her.

"D—do you know for sure?"

"Even if she isn't, this needs to stop," Austin says. "I do want a family one day and so does Kaylie and we can have that together. We can't do that if I'm sneaking around with you. I'm sorry, but we knew this was going to happen some time and I think, I think it should be now."

"Alright," she says again, so calm it's creepy. "You can go now."

"Lauren…"

"Don't 'Lauren' me, Austin! Go!" Lauren screams. "Is this what you wanted? You want me to scream and fight? Do you want me to beg you to leave her and be with me? Well, I'm not about to do that because I already know you won't. I gave up fighting battles I know I'll lose a long time ago."

She won't look at him, just grabs the bottle of wine and empties it into her glass. Austin just stands and watches her drink like she's just another one of the drunken strangers he meets at work, but she isn't. Lauren honestly thought they were more than that. After just watching her for some time, Austin leaves his lighter on the corner of the dinner table before he walks out and from what he says it's for good.

…

He feels like an asshole for what he did to Lauren and he feels like an even bigger asshole because he's been screwing around between Kaylie's back forever now, but that didn't feel as bad as this does. It doesn't make anything better when Kaylie comes home from a weekend in Boulder and in tears.

Her brother, Leo, finally came back to the U.S. and the family talked for a long time and decided to take Alex off life support. Kaylie runs into Austin's arms and he holds her all night. Neither of them gets a minute of sleep.

Austin keeps telling himself that this is validation. This is the right thing to do. She needs him. He needs to step up. He left his lighter behind and he's putting on a cape.

…

When things end with Austin, Lauren breaks down more than she wants to admit. She's irritable to the point where Carter knows the affair is over without even having to ask. He presses her buttons solely by being Carter and when they get into a fight she ends up on Payson and Sasha's doorstep with Louis Vuitton luggage trailing behind her. She wakes them up at 3 a.m. but it isn't like they'd turn her away either.

It's a little weird to be sitting on the couch with Payson while Sasha Belov paces in front of them in a bathrobe. He's tired, unshaven and Lauren can't help, but feel a little intimidated, like she's sixteen again and he's about to yell at her except, instead of getting into a car with a boy the night before leaving for Worlds, she married a boy who never loved her.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Sasha asks.

"Sasha," Payson says. Lauren smiles a little because just then she sounded so much like Kim scolding Mark. "She already told you three times that she's okay."

"Still." Protective Sasha gets a small smile out of Lauren, even in this shitty situation. "You just say the word, Lauren," he says. "One call is all it takes. We can make sure he'll never give you any trouble ever again. Marty knows these guys in Denver…"

"Sasha, stop," Payson warns him.

"I'm not talking about the mafia," Sasha says defensively. "All I'm saying—"

"I think we're good here," Payson cuts him off. She _definitely_ wears the pants in this relationship. Lauren is both impressed and proud. "You should go back to bed. We have an early morning and need to be up in, oh, less than two hours. Go ahead. I'll be right up."

Sasha nods and rubs his face. Then to Lauren, "You'll let me know if you need anything."

"Of course, Sasha," Lauren says, mostly to sooth him. "Thank you guys again. Goodnight."

Sasha starts down the hall of their cozy little house. Then Payson gives her this look that demands she spill all her secrets and that's exactly what Lauren does. She wishes she had a cigarette to press between her lips to help her keep it all in, but she can't so she goes over the details of the affair (well, the short, not _too_ descript version at Payson's request) and by the time she gets to the part where Austin ended it, Lauren loses coherence to sobs.

"B—but it's o—over s—so…"

Lauren breaks down even further and Payson hugs her. She hasn't had anyone to just hold her as her imaginary world deteriorated within seconds. All she had was the dark and the Marlboros. This, having someone, this is what she needed.

"How long has this been going on?"

Lauren sniffles and dabs at her eyes with a tissue. "How long have we been sleeping together or how long have I been in love with him?"

"Both?"

"I don't know. On and off for…a couple months." Lauren takes a long, shaky breath. "I knew I was in love with him when we were sixteen. His first Christmas in Boulder I was feeling a little down about my…my mom and Austin, he—he told me this story about when he was little and what a big mamma's boy he is." Her lips want to smile at the memory despite the cracks in her heart. "We had a few moments since then, but _Kaylie_. I told him I wouldn't do that to her _again_, but that didn't seem to matter when she walked in on one of our moments and things just weren't the same after."

"You two stopped talking because of Austin?"

"Because Kaylie said I'd never change and called me a whore," Lauren says, "but that isn't _why_ I started seeing Austin. Pay, do you think I like everyone thinking I'm some psycho who wants everything Kaylie has? I tried to forget him and not want him. I married Carter. _Carter_." Lauren sighs and rubs her hands down her makeup-less face.

Payson gently touches her arm with something like understanding in her eyes. "But you can't help who you fall in love with…"

Lauren nods. "But you can choose who to be with…and he didn't choose me. I don't know why I'm so surprised. No one ever does."

…

Denver Elite and the Rock have a friendly neighboring gyms practice meet and Nicky gets Austin to come out. Kaylie's taken off work to be with her family through all the funeral arrangements and Austin walks her through it. He gets her out of bed every morning and makes sure she eats every meal and he's convinced this is the right thing to do.

Kaylie spends an afternoon with her mom and brother, two days before the funeral, so Austin agrees to check out the meet. He smiles for the first time in what seems like weeks when he sees little Parker decked out in Denver Elite swag, their signature navy blue with a white lettering logo and a red stripe down each arm. Priming if he's ever seen it.

Nicky is busy coaching and Kelly is barking orders and Parker can't keep still for five minutes so Austin spends most of his time keeping an eye on the kid. He still loves gymnastics, but not with the same intensity as Payson or Nicky or Sasha. At this moment Austin is more interested in the toddler waddling in sleeves that are a little too long and sweats that are a little baggy. His shoes light up as he runs around and that alone makes Austin nostalgic.

"No, dork, no eating popcorn off the floor," Austin says, grabbing Parker and hoisting the little boy over his shoulder. Parker laughs as Austin starts tickling him and Austin doesn't notice Payson sneak up until she's right in front of him. "Keeler, hey!"

"Austin. It's been a while." Austin puts Parker back on his feet before pulling Payson into a one-armed hug. Once they pull away, Payson rests her hands on her knees and beams at Parker, who stares at her curiously, half-hiding behind Austin's leg. "And this is the little elitist mascot, I see."

"This is the winner of the genetic lottery is what he is," Austin says, patting the top of Parker's head. "You look good, Pay. How've you been?"

"Good. Fine." Payson Keeler is still so easy to read. There's something on her mind. "Lauren's been staying with Sasha and me, actually."

Then Payson gives him this _look_, tilting her chin down. Shit. She knows everything.

Austin squats down so that he's eyelevel with Parker. "Hey, buddy, Payson and I gotta talk adult stuff. Go play with the water cooler, huh? Grampy Marty _loves_ when you do that. Go ahead. Uncle Aus says it's cool." Parker runs over just like Austin instructs, tugging down on the lever of the water cooler and emptying perfectly good water into the bottom, staring at it, fascinated. "What happened to Lauren?" Austin asks urgently. "Did Carter do something? I swear to God—"

"More like _you_ did something," Payson says pointedly. "She's leaving him, you know."

"What?"

"Lauren served him with divorce papers," Payson explains. "It isn't my place to say, but I know she won't tell you herself and even though I think you two sneaking around behind Kaylie's back is all sorts of wrong and this situation is all sorts of wrong and you and Lauren? Really?"

"You could tone down the judgment there, Pay."

"I'm sorry," she says, "but a part of you has to agree. How are you holding up with everything?"

Austin shrugs and stares at the ground. "Did you hear about Kaylie's dad?"

"I heard. My mom told me and I'm sorry," Payson says. "You'll tell Kaylie for me, right?"

"Yeah. And tell Lauren…that's good for her, finally leaving Carter. I'd tell her myself, but it's probably best we keep our distance. Kaylie isn't doing too good right now. She needs me."

"I was thinking the same thing about Lauren."

"Payson…"

"I get it, but I also want to remind you that you deserve to be happy too and you should be doing what makes you happy, Austin. You shouldn't be trying to save someone and let yourself go in the process," she tells him and squeezes his arm. "It really is good to see you, Aus."

"You too, Keeler."

The Rock ends up taking it by a margin of a point and Kelly will argue that it's only because their best gymnast sat out. Afterwards, once things start to settle down in Denver Elite, Austin finds Nicky, Kelly and Parker in the office. With a smirk, he pulls out a bottle of scotch out from inside his leather jacket. He stole it from Marty's stash, but he's too busy catching up with Sasha to notice. Austin pulls out three glasses and starts to pour, but Nicky snags one away and puts it back.

"Not drinking, Russo?" Austin asks. "Man, drinking with a girl is worse than drinking alone."

"Rude," Kelly hisses. She's sitting on the couch in Nicky's office with her son.

"No. Kelly isn't drinking," Nicky says. He sits down beside her on the couch and smiles. "Because I don't want my second born child to look like a mutant from the Hills Have Eyes. He or she is going to be just as perfect as his or her big brother."

Austin turns to Kelly. "You're pregnant?"

"Wus dat?" Parker asks, complete with the head tilt.

"Well, sweetie," Kelly says, sliding her arms around her son in a hug from behind, "just like with you, daddy got mommy _super _wasted one night and—"

"Mommy's joking, son," Nicky says quickly. He narrows his eyes at her. "Really, Parks?"

Austin laughs. "Oops Baby: the Sequel?"

"I'm surprised Kaylie didn't tell you," Kelly says. "I was at your place when I took the test and found out. Kaylie knew even before Nick did."

Ah, it was Kelly. That still doesn't change anything. The affair had to end some time.

Austin scratches the top of his head. "Yeah, well, Kaylie's a little preoccupied, y'know?"

Kelly nods, understanding. She then gives Austin this sharp look and Nicky notices the severity too because his eyes soften in concern and he comfortingly strokes Kelly's thigh. Austin reads that look so easily. _I already lost one friend to that shit, Tucker. I can't lose another_. Austin nods back. _I promise you won't_.

"Well, I have to go talk to Myra's parents. You boys better not drink the entire bottle and make sure to dilute it with water or something, make it look like you didn't touch it before you put it back under Marty's desk." Kelly starts to stand, but Nicky stops her. He kisses Kelly sweetly on the lips and Parker slaps his little hand against his father's cheek, making him flinch. Nicky laughs and ruffles the toddler's hair, kissing the side of his face.

"Congrats again!" Austin calls after them. Once Kelly walks out, Austin hands Nicky the glass and collapses beside him on the couch. "Exciting news, man. Good for you."

"We didn't plan on having another kid this soon, but we talked about it and we decided that three years is a good age gap between Parker and the new little one," Nicky says, so proud.

Austin smirks. "How badly does KP want a little girl?"

"Pretty bad." Nicky laughs. "I wouldn't be disappointed either way, but even I think having a little girl would be cute."

"God bless the boys who try to date her," Austin jokes, shaking his head. "I look forward to you and Kelly and all the protective parent bickering and me egging on Parker to be a good big bro and scare the crap out of em'."

"Guarantee." Nicky takes a sip of the scotch and makes a face. Austin swears Parker makes that exact face sometimes. "Oh, and, hey, we were brainstorming names last night and if it is a girl, we were considering Ava. What do you think?"

Austin tenses at the mention of his sister. He never stops. It never goes away.

"You want to name your child after _Ava_?" Austin asks. "She'd _hate_ that."

Nicky smiles back. "We know. Which is exactly why Kelly loves it."

Austin laughs lightly and clinks his glass against Nicky's. "You have my vote."

…

Lauren has lunch with her dad one day since she's in Boulder, still staying at Payson's, and he's actually in town and not away on business. She initiates it. She puts her pride aside and tells him how her marriage is practically over and she makes it damn clear that she isn't crawling back to him, hoping he'll start financially supporting her again. Lauren just wants to show him how strong she is and how she'll only get stronger.

The biggest break of all is that she's honest with him. She tells him that the reason she married Carter in the first place is because he wanted her (unlike so many before him) and Carter was willing to put it in writing, to get rings that announced it to the world. Lauren tells Steve she didn't want to end up like him—alone. It was brutal, but it was honest and often times, honesty is brutal.

Steve respects her opinion, doesn't offer her money because she doesn't ask, just suggest they have lunch again the next week. Lauren walks away with the satisfaction of knowing that he'd never let her go homeless, but he is giving her the chance to succeed on her own.

Right as Lauren leaves, she gets a text from Austin, asking her to meet him at some gross motel right outside of Boulder. She feels the hope, the chance that maybe he heard about her divorce and by some divine inspiration, he'll do the same with Kaylie. Lauren knows she should know better by now, but she texts him back and says she's on her way.

"I heard. I needed to see if you were doing okay," Austin says, the second she walks in. Lauren glances around. The decor reads: _mistress suite_. He steps closer, but Lauren backs up.

"Fine. Is that all? I feel like I'm contracting an STI just standing in here."

Austin smiles and it makes him look like a son of a bitch. He steps closer and his smile is too good at weakening her because she doesn't even try to move away this time.

"I'm proud of you," Austin says. "I always said you deserved better."

"You deserve better too," Lauren says quietly. Austin tears his eyes away from her face but Lauren catches his jaw and forces him to meet her gaze. "I mean it. You deserve so much more than to be Kaylie's suicide watch babysitter…"

"Stop it," Austin snaps. He grabs her wrist and pulls her hand away from his face. "I don't wanna fight with you right now." He brings his arms around her and closes his eyes and Lauren goes rigid in his arms. "I missed you."

"_I_ can't do this anymore," Lauren says, hoarsely. "I can't be in love with a guy who's top priority is another girl. You're right. I do deserve better."

"You do," he agrees. "You're all I think about and I want you so damn much I hate myself for it, I do, but I owe Kaylie my life and I have responsibilities…"

"I don't want to hear it," she hisses and kisses him in this rough, bruising way that neither of them will forget for the rest of their lives.

As she's tearing his shirt off and he's getting her out of her skirt, the only words they exchange throughout is "last time" back and forth and back and forth. When it's over, she doesn't even stay to smoke with him. Lauren just gets dressed, leaves his stupid lighter on the corner of the nightstand and she walks out.

Last time.

…

It's stupid how much he still wants Lauren. Austin though that one last time would be enough, that after that, he'd get her out of his system, but that isn't the case. He still thinks about her in a way that makes him sweat and makes him feel guilty because Kaylie is asleep right next to him in bed, whimpering. He pretends not to hear. He can make sure she eats and make sure she doesn't kill herself, but he can't keep her from crying.

"Kay, it's time to get up," Austin murmurs in the morning. She doesn't reply and this has become a whole fucking routine. "Kaylie, c'mon. It's another day."

"I don't feel like it, Aus…"

"Well, if we didn't do anything every time we didn't feel like it then we'd never get anything done," he replies. Austin pushes back the sheets and pulls back the curtain to let in a little light and goes over to Kaylie's bedside. "C'mon. It's about time you showered."

Kaylie doesn't move. She just stares out into space in this blank zombie way. They just buried her father the other day. Everyone was in black and it was a cold day and Kaylie has been like this ever since. She doesn't even have the will to protest when Austin wraps his arm around her and near-carries her to the bathroom. He strips her clothes off and then his and he just holds her under the showerhead. She feels thinner, but that's just a side effect of mourning, right? That's what Austin tells himself at least.

She manages to get dressed on her own when he threatens to pick it out for her and Austin cooks her breakfast. She still eats like she's a gymnast, all egg whites, no yoke, fruits and vegetables. When she comes out, her hair is still dripping wet and she just sits at the table, consumed by her thoughts.

"I'm not hungry right now, Austin," she says. "But this is really, really sweet of you."

"No, don't give me that," he says firmly. Austin sets a plate down in front of her and pulls up a chair beside her. "Kaylie, you need to eat."

"I don't feel…"

"Kaylie."

She only looks at him briefly with her vacant eyes and takes the fork from him. She pokes at a piece of melon. This scares the fuck out of him. It's too similar to that day by the lake where he tried to get her to eat and she wouldn't. The only difference is back then she had the stubbornness and the fight in her to deny it. Now, she can't even argue. Kaylie takes dainty little bites and Austin feels the tears build in his eyes.

Austin doesn't think he can take another ride on the fucking loving a girl with an eating disorder rollercoaster, but he has to. He's going to save her. He couldn't save Ava, but he knows he can save Kaylie. He knows everything he did wrong with Ava and now he can fix it and he won't lose another person he loves to anorexia or depression or any other mental bullshit.

It takes Kaylie longer than it should to finish a piece of fruit and then she tries to put on this smile that isn't effective in the least. "You're so good to me," she whispers, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Austin smiles his own broken smile and whispers, "Forever, baby. Forever."

…

Lauren Tanner joins the work force. She's a fucking receptionist for the fucking Rock and it seems a little like a handout, but Payson explains that she'd be doing them a favor. Apparently, their last receptionist kept making stalker eyes at Sasha and apparently stealing like important financial information and shit and they didn't have time to interview for a replacement. Plus, Lauren is good at organizing and telling people to chill the fuck out and she really did need the money so it's a win-win for everyone.

She has her own place not too far from the Rock and it's tiny, but it's cozy and it's all hers. Though she thinks about him daily, Lauren hasn't talked to Austin since that last time in the motel. Lauren just keeps busy and works on herself and whenever he texts or calls, she ignores and deletes.

She even gives up smoking, but then the wedding invitation comes in the mail to the Rock and Lauren doesn't know how much time she spends holding the tacky piece of shit and just staring at their names in fancy script. When Payson walks in and sees what she's doing and what she's looking at, she immediately frowns.

"Are you okay?" Payson asks.

"Fine," Lauren replies. "I'm going on break now."

"Take all the time you need." Payson touches Lauren's arm as she passes her on the way to the door. Lauren goes straight to her car, knowing she has a pack of Marlboros and a cheap lighter hidden in the glove compartment.

Though her body starts to tremble, thinking of all the times h looked at her and smiled at her and said he wanted her, Austin never made her promises. He never promised her fairytales or his heart or a future. Lauren knew just as well as he did. He gave her nothing because they both knew he'd leave her with nothing.

A mix of pain and mascara draw lines down her cheeks as Lauren sits in her car with a cigarette. She breathes in all the toxins her lungs can hold before she slowly lets it go.

* * *

><p><span>AN: Twisted shit, right? If you felt nothing at all from reading this then I failed as a writer. Liked it, loved it, hated it, _review_ and tell me! xoxo


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